Tracing my fingers round a silhouette

There's no such thing as a difficult decision. The truth is, decisions are easy.

You know why?

Because every time, every time, we already know the answer.

You see, you didn't come to me to make a decision.

You came to me because you didn't like the decision you'd already made.

-The Very Thought Of You

My parents have never been overly strict with me curfewwise or whatever, and have always trusted me so I was surprised when my dad called out to me when he saw I was on my way out.

Daddy: Come home early!

Me: Why dad! I'm old! I can take care of myself *goes into rant*

Daddy: I know you can, but I want to sleep early and I have to wait for you to come home before I can lock the gate!

Me:............

Daddy:What?

Me: I thought you were worried about my safety! I was touched! But youre not!!!

Daddy: Why should I? Youre old!

Hahaha. He was mostly kidding.

I think.

I was in my first flood the other day, and being one who hasnt experienced very many natural disasters nor well, anything really outdoorsy, whenever I do, the first thing that pops in my head is "PHOTO OPPORTUNITY".

Its not everyday you can take a picture where youre walking kneedeep in a flooded yet affluent residential area. It was quite a contrast.

You can totally tell which one is me by my generous butt. I've gained a lot of weight from eating home cooked meals and going to activities which have great food afterwards and eatin out with friends who love eating, for example:

We had three main courses, all to ourselves! I was quite impressed with Baz's appetite, considering she's tiny. But yay to good company over good food....and thats just ONE of our eating binges, hahaha.

In any case, I've gained a lot of weight again, and I'm trying to work it off/lose it but goodness me, doesnt it ever seem that the more you diet, the more you think about food?!

When it comes to my weight, its always been a sore spot for me, because I've always been bigger than my 'normal' weight. I wouldnt say I was obese (I think!?!) but I do know I'm not at the healthy weight range for my height (a measly 5 ft 3), if that even. I love my food.

Yes. 5 ft 3, maybe 5 ft 2, people. I look taller only because I cheat and wear wedges and heels all the frickin time. :D I have to! Id look short and stout like a teapot otherwise! :D

My friends once met me without heels, during a dance practice, realised they were towering over me and were very very surprised. Psh. Im not as amazonian as I deceive you all to think, but Id rather be taallll then shooorrtt. Wah!

Which reminds me, my hair is growing! YAY!

I also really like Jojo's version of "beautiful girls" by Sean Kingston, and you should listen to it. Youtube is being weird and wont let me embed, it could be my computer, anyway, and I didnt want to post a long ass link here because it just looks weird, so yeah.

Youtube it. Its way less irritating than the original.

catch a falling star and put it in your pocket/ never let it fade away

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. -Mitch Ratliffe

That quote hits me, especially when I accidentally send out an email or IM I didnt mean to send, either because I was not in my right senses (heh, you know) or I think its a good idea at the time and BAM. Meh. Unanticipated consequences.

Thank God for the edit and delete buttons, but theres just no UNSEND cure, is there?

Seems to be our generations equivalent of drunk dialling. Unfocused emailing? heh.

~*~*~

It was brilliant.

I would review it, but by now, everyone and their pet cat has read and reviewed their copy, so Ill just say I loved it, even if I felt the epilogue was stupid and the ending was rushed. Brilliant nevertheless and my favourite installment from JK for the series by far. Thanks Joanne Kathleen Rowling, you made my adolescence have that extra magic and my imagination that extra spin over the years.

I apologise to those on my MSN or Facebook. I know I littered little spoilers here and there. I was just too excited and couldnt contain myself! FORGIVE ME (you know who you are :P)

I pre-ordered my copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, but I read the version leaked online and finished it before my hard copy was even in my hands. Haha. I still bought the book so nyeah. The online version leaked was the american version but the one sold here was the british so it was pretty cool having read both.

I felt bad because when I was paying for mine, this kid, he couldnt have been more than 11, he was trying to buy a copy but because he hadnt pre-ordered and Malaysian bookstores are doing this revolt on selling them because of Giant and other hypermarkets selling them at ridiculously cheaper prices. Ah well. I just like it when Current Events dun dun dun affect me too, or at least my immediate surroundings. I feel sorry for the ones who havent pre-ordered, like that kid. I would have sold him mine, since I already read it, but he gave me a dirty look, and I remembered I was a rabid fan, came to my senses and wanted my own copy so I walked away. Take that, mean kid.

~*~*~*~

I have found an affinity with karaoke lately, and its been crazy. I think one of my fave re- finds is Janet Jackson's "Again", one of the few songs my tentative voice can work. My newfound friends and I work the scene, and we always look for a new place to karaoke. Its all good fun.

Never underestimate karaoke. My jaw hurt the very first time I went again after a long time. Methinks I was grinning too much as I sang. Haha.

~*~*~*~

I have a blender. And I've decided I will use it to find my best mix of fruits to drink. I shalllet you know my progress.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Somehow I got myself into helping to choreograph a dance, and not just any dance but a good fast hip hop dance to a PlanetShakers song. Yes. Me. My last dance performance was a good two years ago, and even then I was already faltering.

I have been more of a go with the flow dancer, in clubs and/or parties than a choreographed dancer of late, but it amazing how much fun I'm having. (and discovering just how much out of shape I am GRR!)

Hopefully I'll be around to watch the performance, but if not, hey, the memories (and the exercise!) and the dance itself are well worth it.

and Im quiet when you say youre fond of me because to you I represent all the sins you never had the courage to commit.

Delicious ambiguity.

I admit it. My life plans and priorities are all askew.


Or rather, my plans are being postponed as my priorities have shifted.



Ten years ago, I wanted to be a missionary, a nun, or a famous author. I was eleven, I was religious. I was untouched by high school and university.

Five years ago, I entered uni, decided to study accounting and information systems, and a whole new life opened itself up for me. Commerce, hmm.

Effectively, five years ago, if you had told me that my parents would decide to forgo the materialistic means of the world, retire, leave Brunei and become full time missionaries, I would have asked you if you had gone quite barking mad.

If you told me my parents would invest their savings into the Malaysian Second Home programme, a programme where you are granted multiple entry visa and allowed to live and stay in Malaysia as long as you put money in, and retire instead of working to earn money and working on business, just to spread the word of God and become full time missionaries, I would have called the men in white suits for you.

Heck, I would have escorted you myself.

I didnt see my family going that route. We had so many different plans, you see, and none of them really involved, oh lets be brutally honest here, none of them involved starting up a Couples For Christ ministry at all.

We are Philippine passport holders, and this has created a lot of ruckus plans wise. Now, I've never lived in the Philippines, and I don't know how life is there, but people keep telling me to try not to go back there to work. Sad. Maybe I should stop listening to other people.

Anyway, back to the story.

We had plans discussed over the dinner table, of emigrating elsewhere, or of going back to the Philippines and drumming up the business there, or continuing to stay in Brunei. We were wrapped up in the worlds expectations of what a better life was supposed to be, and five years ago, I promise you, we were well on our way to becoming materialistic brats. Forms were filled in, plans were made.

I didnt think full time mission work was even in my parents vocabulary.

So, heres the plan, five years ago.

I entered university with the intention to finish off my double major in accounting and IS degree, work my ass off, get my Chartered Accountancy qualification or other equivalent, watch my pay rise go up, work my ass off even more, money money money.

I did not have God on my mind. I dont think my parents, who were religious in their own way, really had God in mind either. Our plans did not accomodate God.

And here we see where life plans are not set in pen but in pencil. Erased at any moment and a new one scratched in.

In one sweep, my parents were called, and being their child, I was caught in the currents of their new decision. They asked me of course, and I said, do what you want. At the time, I didnt really think I would be affected.

Woah.

But affect me, it has.

Like the quote said. Delicious ambiguity.

I don't always understand the decisions my parents have made. But I do know my dad hasnt been this happy in years.

And I suppose if nothing else, this change in our lives is worth it because of that. But wow, are my parents doing a great job.

My plans are all askew, and getting far in this world is something I havent really thought about ever since I started helping my parents in their mission work. You can remember how I wrote before about work work work career career work work. But thats not what Im about right now, and for better or worse this break is career wise, I think I'm better inside.

I've turned down further offers and I've persisted looking for work near by. Its hard though, being foreign in Brunei and Malaysia. But being near to my family, after years away, even for just a few months, is so worth it.

If it makes them so much happier than I have seen them in years, I really have to think if my old plans would fit in with this new life they have built, and its really a big fat resounding 'No'.

I figure I can afford to take some time out to see whats really important in life beyond the obvious. And before I really immerse myself in full time work, I have to understand this path they chose.

So, the only real question, I suppose is, what now?

Where do I go from here?

Totally using that for my next layout, the sunset and my back are purty.

For all my flaws, I've always had a practical head on my shoulders. I'll be fine, I believe, and if not, I'll be fine too. I'll figure it out, children. I always do. This life should get sorted, rollercoaster and all.

Oh, of course and I really want to start on that CPA qualification. No, I don't want to suddenly revert to the ten year ago plan. Haha. I have my plans, they remain thus. Whether theyll happen or not is something else altogether of course.

Difference is, I'm inviting God along for the ride properly now, because while I've always believed, to me thus far, He's really always been up there, never right beside me. And I guess what I'm saying is, I place my life and plans in His hands.

And for me, the headstrong me, to admit that,after all I've been through, and in spite of, not because of my parents day job, for me to admit that, in this day and age, is pretty darn miraculous.

I think the 11 year old me would approve.

dont you think its time?

So. I had a better entry. Really. With pictures and musings.

But, Im afraid Im exploding in Harry Potter nerdness right about now.

Because Harry Potter & Deathly Hallows has been leaked.

And Im really really struggling not to download and read it right now, but I think Ill lose that battle.

i want to be everything except for your mistake

Maybe its not the lies we tell
That will send us straight to hell
Maybe its the words we don't say
In the every day to day
That will reserve us a seat
In the place of fire, brimstone, and heat.
-unknown

Random entry today, random thoughts.

~*~*~*~

Its 1.30 am on a Sunday morning,and given that Im supposed to be getting up at 6 for mass, and meeting up with friends to watch Transformers (again) and have a long Sunday planned,I really should be asleep right now.

Today, I looked at my friendster, myspace,hi5 accounts (yeah wow, I know, what an exciting Saturday!), and realised I did not care for 1/3 of the people on it, 1/3 I couldnt recognize from the ever changing pictures and names and I probably only really knew less than 1/2 of the 1/3 remaining. Im only really active on facebook,and even on that not so much.

I often wonder how many people added me because they wanted to increase their friends count or snoop around in my life or actually really cared about me. So many anonymous faces and lives.

Its pretty sad.

I sometimes wonder about these people, and wonder if I was important, significant to them in any way, or if they were to me. There must have been a friendship, or good feelings towards the other at some point in time, for the adding to have occured. Or else..

what was the bloody point?

~*~*~*~

"I am in pain," I whine to my supposed to be caring guy friend.
"What pain? Is it that time of the month again? NOT AGAIN! Why every month!?!" he declares.
"....................."
"hello?? Hello?"
"If I suddenly SKIPPED a month, would that be better?!"
"YEAH!"
"....................."
"...what!?"
"You do realise me skipping could mean PREGNANCY OR A HORMONAL IMBALANCE OR AN ILLNESS RIGHT!?!"
"Well, if it would stop you from being in pain..."
"...............*whines random things I have forgotten now, but it included funny threats*"
"Oh fine, fine fine, whine to me all you want, thats what I am here for, to call you and listen for hours on end about your bodily pains! Never mind MY aches, MY needs! Who cares about MY problems!!"
"EXACTLY!"
"...I dont know why I put up with such abuse!!"

Hahaha, I love my friends.

~*~*~*~
So, theres a thing called LiveEarth advertised everyfreakingwhere. All those concerts.

MSN, tv, what have you.

Well, in my opinion, totally my own opinion, alright, I could be totally WRONG, mind you, the most contradicticting, almost hypocrital thing about LiveEarth is that I think the amount of energy it would take to power all those concerts kind of in a way defeat the message of the concerts themselves.

But maybe thats just me.

hard to say what it is I see in you

"That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!"- Calvin & Hobbes


Today I will flaunt my new bracelet!

Now, I normally dont wear bracelets. But this is a special one!

Look! It came in a pretty box!!!

Being almost a nomad the past few years, moving all my belongings here and there and everywhere, I dont normally get packages or any sort of present or card via the traditional post, because pinning my location down is pretty hard.

Yaaay, kool aid!!

I could move any time, and while that may sound exciting to someone who's never left their home, for someone who doesnt even really know where hers is, it just means I have to keep adjusting, and I have to be up for anything, and I guess I have to keep an extra eye on things like visas and passports.

POP ROCKS!

And getting mail? Honest to goodness mail from someone?

It truly makes my day, if not my week, not only because its such a rare occurence, but because in this age of the convenient, instant, speedy, intangible electronic mail, traditional slow tangible mail just screams of extra love.

$US 11. 55 for postage? o_0 Its a tiny box!!

Okay, not JUST A BOX but a box! A box! Of presents! For me!!!

One of my soul sisters, Lori, sent me something in the mail, from the states. She's wonderful and always remembers me and sends me stuff, whether she's in Europe or America. She even sent me a pressed flower from Angers, France once. Of course being quite sakai I was thrilled.

Tiny box?

But that tiny little box spilled out tReAsUre!!

Okay, treasure in my eyes, haha, because I was so happy to tear it open to see what she sent me. People dont care but in my happy eyes, I am thrilled to receive another supply of stuff, because no, this isnt the first I got from her. But ahh, it so made my year, because between me and you, I really was getting the mid year blues.

and did I tell you I cut my hair?

It was damaged and dry and boring and how I miss the length like an extra limb! My hair feels so light and well, I regret it a lot, but what to do, its been done. I give myself a week to adjust, and 3 months to grow it out. Haha.

I love presents! =D

personality is merely presentation

...WOAH! HOLD UP

Alvin and the Chipmunks?!

THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE GANGSTA HOLLYWOOD. SIMON WAS NEVER THAT COOL. ALVIN DIDNT HAVE A HOOD!

THEY SHOULD HAVE DRAWN THEM LIKE THIS:

OH HOLLYWOOD, HOW YOU DISAPPOINT ME.