Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end

When the Nazis came for the communists,

I remained silent;

I was not a communist.



When they locked up the social democrats,

I remained silent;

I was not a social democrat.



When they came for the trade unionists,

I did not speak out;

I was not a trade unionist.



When they came for the Jews,

I remained silent;

I was not a Jew.



When they came for me,

there was no one left to speak out.



--Martin Niemöller

I ran into my very first best friend 11 years ago last night. Wow, cue the surprise. It was weird speaking to him again as its been as if he and I have the same roots and yet we are such different people from how we were 11 years ago (of course). And yet we're still very much the same.

He has grown in his confidence though, and his aura is that of a man now. He is no longer the child I traded Archie comics with and read stories with and played imaginary games with. We reminisced about how much we have grown apart and yet we did not lie and claim we missed each other.

We drifted obviously over the years and we meandered through the crazy teenage angst and adolescence without each other, even the college years passed by without much of a connection. No, a lie. We met. WIthout much fanfare, 4 years ago. It was so painfully awkward that I couldnt believe he was my best friend when I was a child who punched a bully for me and made his nose bleed. It was hard to connect the child he was with the strange 16 year old I met. He seemed so cold.

He was completely changed and I left the meeting with a heartache and wanted to cry.

But a few years on, he seems to have turned out alright. Much better, in fact. An intelligent sensitive kind of guy, fun and interesting.

I am conceited.

And I like to think I had a part to play 11 years ago.

and I dont need to forget myself by means of alcohol or drugs

"You see, freedom has a way of destroying things..."

Scott Westerfeld (Uglies Series)


I may not be very good at decluttering my room.

But my blog really needed a new layout. Thoughts if any, are welcomed.

I went to an Easter party last night. I love how people pretend they dont want to karaoke and then end up being the ones who wont let the mics go, tsk. Smartie chocolate cake and wine surprisingly is not a bad mix.

I can't believe how stupid I am when it comes to him. I pride myself in being strong, independent and all the jazz that comes from that Destinys Child song and yet Im letting myself be thwarted time and time again and I keep going back for more. I should be smarter than this.

I have cut off a lot of friendships.

I have made new ones.

I cant help but ache for my lost friendships though. This is why I don't keep photo albums. Sometimes old photos stir up painful memories of friendships that no longer exist.

Her farewell was Saturday night. I didnt go because I was legitimately preoccupied being a godmother *squee*. Pictures when I get them but yes, strange as it may seem, I have a second godchild now!

Speaking of pictures!

Baby James time!



He is adorable!

And he totally knows me now. He's so well behaved and whenever he sees me, we play and Im just all omg, my uterus gets all tingly. I've told my parents to enjoy him though. I don't see myself with child for a long long time!

He's barely four months! He's massive! He's going to be so tall!

...No, im not REALLY a crazy doting aunt =)

But gosh, he's beautiful. :) SO CUTE!!!!!

Excuse me, I must go, my dormant maternal instincts woke up and are telling me to sleep now..

I'm so incoherent tonight. I should just sleep...but my mind just won't turn off tonight.

"'What do you think of God," the teacher asked. After a pause, the young pupil replied, 'He's not a think, he's a feel.'"

"Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees"
~Victor Hugo

Hush.

Its Good Friday, and while to the entire world may just let it pass by, its an ultimate day for ever the devout Catholic, and even for the the not so devout, for its the day, traditionally held, that the movie Passion of The Christ comes into fruition and every lash, every scourging, every piercing that happened in that movie
comes to life.

For every blow struck, for every spit spat out, for every taunt.

While most people believe Christmas is the manifestation of what being a Catholic is, I strongly disagree.

Today of all days is the cornerstone of my faith. Its the movie Passion of the Christ come alive.

For all the media drama about Christmas and the hush of the birth of Christ, pause. Reflect.

Good Friday is really what its all about.

Its a different kind of hush today.

We're the people that we wanted to know and we're the places that we wanted to go.

"It seems to me that you need a lot of courage, or a lot of something, to enter into others, into other people. We all think that everyone else lives in fortresses, in fastnesses: behind moats, behind sheer walls studded with spikes and broken glass. But in fact we inhabit much punier structures. We are, it turns out, all jerry-built. Or not even. You can just stick your head under the flap of the tent and crawl right in. If you get the okay."

Martin Amis

Yesterday, I donated pieces of my childhood to raise funds for the youth fund in my parish. Looking back now, I should have priced them higher. Or I shouldn't have sold some at all.

I know people wont understand the passion, no, thats not quite right..the hunger, the addiction, the obsessiveness I have when it comes to reading. I thirst. I savor. Be it prose, poetry, novels, short stories, mere sentences and quick quotes, I have always been lured by the power of the written word.

And selling them was quite unnerving but it had to be done. I couldn't still hang on to the books I purchased when I was 11 now...could I?

(OKAY, I originally had 3 boxes full of books. But it whittled down to one. I just couldn't bear it!)

Its not really a big deal, in the greater scale of things. But you know, I was quite an introvert as an young adolescent, and wow was I much happier reading than I was interacting with people and you could literally single me out as being quite the social retard (which must seem weird now given how much of an extrovert Ive become). My social interactions were painful then and I always knew I could come home to the stillness and quietness of my books.

And I sold my version of another person's security blanket at $1 a pop. Just because I don't need them so much anymore.

I think I owe it to my childhood to be just a tad guilty right about now.

~*~

Guess who's going to be a sponsor again this Easter? =D

~*~

I should go to her farewell.

But its quite fake when I know Im quite happy to see her leave.

~*~

I only rewatch the Passion of the Christ once a year. The first time I watched it, I remember clearly, was in my friend's dorm room, and we gathered, Muslims, buddhists, Catholics alike, to watch it.

I knew every word.

Obviously.

And I know it made everyone tear up.

Its quite an emotional experience, this movie.

So Im preparing myself for it this year! I *will not* cry.

Or I probably will.

~*~

The weather is horrible. Scorching heat and sudden showers do not mix.

Its not any wonder Im reaching for my meds now. *sigh*

I hope I, along with everyone else, has a quite blessed Holy week.