your destiny is not tied to the people who walked away

Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal.
Live this day as if it were your last.
The past is over and gone.
The future is not guaranteed.”
-Wayne Dyer

One of the hardest things I have ever done was letting a prize like you go. Believe me. Again. Ending things again. When we've come so far. But you and I both know this may be as far as we can go together. And this is the final end.

You've run the race with me side by side, and even pulled me up when I was struggling and waited for me to catch up when I thought I couldn't take another step. You gave me water and you gave me energy and you gave me the strength to take that next stride.

You who made me laugh and held me when I cried and you who understood when I ranted and defended me when I needed it (even when I didnt deserve to be). You who danced with me even though dancing is not your thing and you who actually enjoyed the sound of me singing. You who reached out when i pulled away. You who made me feel beautiful and you who taught me the difference between..well. You know.

You who made me feel everything and nothing all at once, my silence in the crowd, my song and my dance, my rock.

Its been a very very good almost 3 years with you. And I will treasure every memory and every breath taken in your presence. You will always be my wonderwall and I am just so sorry I couldn't wait any longer.

I just hope that years from now when you remember me you remember the good things. Because you truly were a good thing in my life. I want that to continue.

But you know my terms.

Im just so sorry. I did not mean to make you cry. I did not mean to make you hope. You want me to wait but I can't wait forever, you really must choose NOW. I cant wait, not when the future is this uncertain. I agonized over this decision, please, dont you believe I made it in one day.

I know youre reading this. Or at least you used to. Is this it? Are you just going to erase me from your life? We're more than that. You know we are.

I'll be crushed if you tell me you dont know we are.

And dont you dare say you dont know we are simply to crush me.

Me leaving you will not crush you.

You are a magnificent fabulous catch.

You are an amazing amazing person.

Me leaving you will crush me eventually.

But don't flatter me into thinking for one second me leaving you will really affect you in the long run. You will be amazing.

With or without me.

*

I stumbled upon Anna Nalick accidentally but now I am very much a fan. The song embedded is probably her most famous one but mind you, she really does have many others.



yeah. Anna Nalick. Check her out.

Over the weekend, I spent time with different groups of friends and came to the conclusion that once people are broken in one way or another, they can't be fixed. Or they can be. But if you try to fix people before they are ready to be, and unless youre ready for that, you'll just end up cutting yourself in the process on the shards of their brokenness. So when you can't hack it, even when you know you should do something, you close one eye. And leave them broken.

Because its just the easier way out.

And that is sort of something nobody ever bothers to tell you tells you when you are young and yet it never fails to take you by surprise as the years go by, as you slowly but surely see the people in your life break one by one.

It scares you.

And maybe only to yourself, you wonder when your turn is going to be.

Or even more silently, you wonder if it's already happened.

And you think back and wonder if it really was the easier choice leaving everyone else so broken.