It is the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.

my heart is in my hands
my head is in the clouds
my feet have left the ground
my life is turning around and round
and every voice inside my head is tellin' me to run like mad
oh bows and arrows
stars and sunset hey hey hey yeah hey hey hey yeah
every heartbeat every kiss just
makes me wonder what all this is
suits of armor, hearts and arrows hey hey hey yeah

-Run Like Mad - Jann Arden

Lingerie, a drink up, a slice of birthday cake with a candle on it, an unopened bottle of JD and baileys!, shiny purple flat shoes, new makeup, new hair products (squee!), two new planners, a fruit basket, new bag, a restaurant singing me happy birthday and an amazing surprise birthday cake with twenty three candles on it.

Wow. Im so touched.

And the best part is its not even my birthday yet, and I still have the blessed weekend, Chinese New Year and Kuala Lumpur goodness to look forward to <3.

*

I don't have many good friends here in Brunei.

In fact, if I were to be completely honest, I can count on less than two hands ,maybe even just one, how many actually truly care about me beyond a certain tolerance and need to have to put up with me because its the politically correct and easier thing to do. You know, easier to pretend to be my friend and be the perfect hypocrite than to actually let me know how to be a better person? Yeah, that type of friend.

Because lets also own up to the fact that I'm not the easiest person to deal with. I could list all my flaws which I am aware of but you know, I dont have 24 hours to spare.

For ages, I've wanted to change. But Im torn between two people, the person I want to be and the person I'm expected to be and very often the lines separating the two are blurred.

...whoa. Its like the 15 year old me just surfaced and tried to be all emo and melodramatic in that sentence.

But you know what I mean.

Bottom line is, Im a hard character to take.

And those who can take me are prizes to be kept and I feel like I've won somehow.

*

Its been raining cats and dogs, flash floods occuring, the underpass sunken under water, electricity, telecommunications and water being cut off due to the floods, its been crazy.

I've always loved the rain.

This is just too much, especially after the two deaths reported, so many homes being lost and people left without belongings, and Im praying it will let up soon.

*