I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

"In this dirty-minded world, she thought, you are either somebody's wife or somebody's whore-or fast on your way to becoming one or the other. If you don't fit either category, then everyone tried to make you think there is something wrong with you."-

The World According to Garp by John Irving

I really really loathe papercuts.

Doing office work entails paper. Lots and lots of paper.When it comes to the plasticnotes,I'm your woman, but all that paper, argh. My hands are the casualty of my paperwork. There are cuts,superficial ones that cause no harm, deep ones that are still wounded and the occasional hack into my skin! GRR!

There is your silly me rant for the day.

The problem with long distance relationships is exactly that. The distance. Touch, eventhe simplest finger caress, is so beautiful, and when you dont even have that, its an ache.A real throbbing ache. I don't know how people do it, and I admire you if youre in a long distancerelationship right now and sticking to it. Thank God for technology but it cant substitute touch, now, can it?

Went for an annual thanksgiving dinner for the choir the other day, and wonder of wonders,I, the one whonever as much wins a door prize, won a table fan.I mean, I wanted the blender, but never in my life have I wonanything when it comes to these luck things. I've never factored luck into anything I do, precisely because I believethere is no such thing as luck. Just hard work, chance and a smidgen of God's blessing. And if thats the case, Iwas blessed that evening, and I wonder if that means my 'luck' is changing.

Nah.

I have been a bad girl and staying out later than is wise, sleeping later than is wise, and getting up way too early for my body to have fully recovered from the lack of sleep. I took a day off from work yesterday because I woke up to a spinning world. Nausea, fever, what have you, my immune system was shot and I was fatigued. It made memiss my loved ones all the more, and I especially miss my mother when Im sick. Who takes care of me best when Im being a baby? Her! I really must be getting old, because when I was 17, I could go days on no sleep and right now, I canbarely function if I attempt that. And Im barely in my twenties! I hope I grow old gracefullybecause I really cant see myself as a fifty year old couch potato. I want to grow old into one of those old eccentrics. I probably will.

My Catholic faith is a big part of who I am ( but yes, I laughed at Dogma, read and scoffed and yes, enjoyed The Da Vinci Code 2 years before the movie was made, was pissed off when Euro Trip made fun of the papacy, preferred Angels and Demons over Da Vinci Code - knowing fullwell both are fiction and enjoying them as thus-,I commit my sins, I repent, I believe in God, end of story) and I'm getting back into serving in my local church, which ironically, is where my faith was formed.If nothing else, I had my First Holy Communion here, and I was confirmed here, and if nothing else,this is truly where my Catholic growth began. It fell and grew in uni, torn from the shelters of my comfortzone, but if nothing else, I owe it to myself to serve in the church and community where my faith was nurtured, while I can. I don't know if I'll get this opportunity again.

It hurts to grow up and face responsibilities. The other night, I practically broke down on the phone to my mother. She soothed me as only she can. I hate that I'm not 8 and believing in her magical kiss and word to make the hurt go away. She means well but at the end of the day, I have to face up to the sobering reality that in truth and all finality, its all on me now.

Was it not just yesterday that it was November? December has crept up on me, and the next thing I'll know, it will be January and I willbe 22 and nowhere near my goal of actually getting my driver's license.

Oh well, theres always next year. ;)