“When you finally go back to your old hometown, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood” Sam Ewing
Lamest Reply To a Cute Guy Asking Me IF I DRIVE How I'm Going Home And DO I NEED A RIDE?
"Oh, dont worry, my dad's coming to pick me up any minute now."
DUMB, IZZAH, DUMB! ACCEPT RIDE NEXT TIME OFFERED, OKAY!?!
Dumb!
So, I zoom back to Brunei every now and again, but its not my home anymore.
My older brother works there, with my sister in law, my uncle and my cousin in laws husband. My younger brother still gets his teeth done there, and the car we use is under a Brunei permit, which needs renewing every few months so hence, the parents make a trip down there every month or so, and I tag along often, or at least, twice since I've arrived back.
But wow, how it doesnt feel like home anymore.
I mean, you'd think it would. You really think it would, what with me having spent a good 15 years or my formative life in Brunei, from kindy to primary to secondary school. Heck, I first started studying in Brunei. I hit puberty and learned to read and write and even discovered alcohol and dancing in Brunei. Ive made some of my most unforgettable friends in Brunei, friends I am in touch with and cherish to this day. I started'hanging out' in Brunei. I received my religious education and formed my spiritual back bone in Brunei, I spent a LONG TIME in Brunei, so you would think visiting Brunei would hit me hard whenever I went to it.
But no.
It hits me the other extreme actually. It hits me so soft that I dont feel anything but almost numbness when I'm in Brunei, other than the twinge of aw, thats where I used to hang out.
Which should be ridiculous, right? Since thats where I grew up.
Then that quote hit me.
And I guess what I miss isnt the place. Its my childhood more than anything that I miss.
I don't think I want to go back to being a child though. As lame as it sounds, Im really pretty much all geared up to be the best adult I can be.
But I believe a little bout of nostalgia is okay,now and again.
..even if the child in me wants to bust out with bubble gum and matching mickey mouse shorts and shirt and barbie dolls, looking for those yummy wafer sticks and captain planet episodes.
2 comments:
Shh!!!!!!!!
I'm trying to think POSITIVE!!!
I'm going to take it one step further though, and say that it's not the place itself, but the people.
The reason I'm so scared of going back is I think I'll discover different people to the ones I left behind....
Because I haven't changed very much at all...and I know for a fact that a lot of people have.
I'll be going back for the first time in Nov....wish me luck.
aw sana, youre so sweet. Youre right, its the people. I know Ive changed, but its like I dont want to be the changed me when I go back, I want to be the me that was me before i left. But then I know theyll expect me to be different somehow, and maybe that in itself overwhelms everything.
Good luck in November. Im sure youll find the same wonderful people!!
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