restlessness is me, you see/ its hard to be safe/ and difficult to be happy

"and god help you if you are an ugly girl

course too pretty is also your doom

cause everyone harbors a secret hatred

for the prettiest girl in the room

and god help you if you are a phoenix and

you dare to rise up from the ash

a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy

while you are just flying back"

-Ani Difranco

I was asked today,in another so called milestone in my life, to be a godmother for someones confirmation. Me.

I've never been asked before, to be honest, and I will be honored to be this teenager's godmother.

*

It was the birthday of two special ladies recently. A bunch of us celebrated their turning of a year older by a party for one and road trip turned crazy fun night out for the other. Now I admit that I had more than my share of fun on these two occasions and I hope that amidst the silliness, the anxieties, the franticness, the hype and the love, oh the love, I really hope they did too.

Happy birthday, C. Happy birthday, H.

*

Recently, I finally made concrete plans to meet up with two of the girls who made up a quadruplet of my friendship circle in secondary school. Its been really amazing closing the gap on what has been literally 5 years away from each other and we're trying to fill in the blanks on what has happened in our lives since the days of graduating from the old alma mater of St. Georges School.

A lot has happened. Seriously. A lot has happened.

But when we meet, when we look at each other and the old inside jokes just come pouring out and the walls just break down, its like we're 16 again and uni hasnt happened.

We dont know how long we have together again, because as always, lives will shift.

But for now. Just for now, we are basking in the safety net of each other and wondering why the hell we let each other go, and yet at the same time, glorifying the fact that even though 5 years has passed, its like time stood still for our friendship and yet, its really a whole other level.

Thanks, E. Thanks, A.

*

Chyler Leigh is an actress on Greys anatomy and played the lead in the spoof Not Another Teen Movie.

I always thought she was great.

Until I found a video of her at 15 kissing her real life brother for a movie. And not just a lip to lip quick 3 second one either. This was a full on kiss, twice, in the same movie (Kickboxing Academy). Was the director crazy or the casting director blind or the siblings not close enough to care or worse, too close to care? Seriously. Thats just nasty.

And if you dont agree, you be the judge:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYO2OdAI3H4

I hope thats right link. Anyway. Just google it.

Its so traumatising for me, but I wonder if any of you think I'm being silly. Its just so wrong, is all.

*

I've read Nicholas Sparks other works but never A Walk To Remember.

I just read the book.

And Im perturbed because its just so different. I mean, the basic elements are there. But the main criteria, that walk to remember? When i watched the movie, I thought it was the walk of their lives together or something.

But it was her walk down the aisle that the author meant. Her walk because by then she was sick, so sick.

And he was so not a bad boy who nearly got someone killed.

And she never asks to be at two places at once.

And he was really rich and his parents were together.

And she doesnt ever say,"I dont need a reason to be angry with God."

Blink.

Color me surprised. The parts of the movie I adored were never part of the book to begin with.

Then again, with my attention span being what it is and my speed reading being what it is..maybe I missed those parts.

Though I suppose I can just enjoy a walk to remember, the movie, and a walk to remember, the book, as two separate perspectives of the same fictional events...

*

Too quickly the months have rolled over and a solid year has passed since I returned to the country of my indulgent happy childhood and my awkward serene adolescence.

I have lived a hundred and one lives since then, and when I remember the person I was then, I realize with shock every time that its only really been 5 years.

I thought I had made the right decision then. But lately, more and more frequently lately, not a day passes when I re-question my decision to return.

On one hand, lately, it feels like this place is the representation of a life I should have left behind long ago and not fought so hard to keep.

And on the other hand, it represents a place of second chances and opportunity and I count my blessings every day, blessings of which they are not few.

And so I must live with what I chose.

Suck it up, self. Suck it the eff up.

For there are blessings among the thorns and life is too beautiful not to be amused at everything thats thrown our way.