Someone once said; it's the good girls who keep diaries. the bad girls never have the time.me...i just wanna live a life i'm gonna remember. even if i don't write it down.
- Brooke Davis on One Tree Hill
When I look at that little piece of paper, I am often in disbelief that despite my 'kalokohan' and my tendency to procrastinate, I have a degree now. I told an old friend and he seemed surprised I finished, because he knew me during my more, lets just say, childish and immature, years.
I'm hardly what you'd call a conventional 'bad' girl, though like every one going through adolescence and the life of living away from the parents and living the university student's life, I suppose I have my moments where its questionable that I'm the daugther of two full time missionaries. *laughs*
But even before my parents committed themselves to this, I must admit I was a pretty boring teenager, with (most of :P) my scandalous dalliances gratefully kept on the downlow. Something always held me back, and at the end of the day, I was always factoring in what my parents would think if they knew.
Not that they ever would. My parents puzzle me sometimes. When they call me from overseas and I'm at a party or at a club or pub, I never hide the fact that I'm out. I used to. But then I realised even when I said I was out, they'd just say that was okay, they hoped I was having fun and that I should get home safe.
The wonder of it. Being 18 and telling my mother I was out at a club and thats why I couldnt hear her over the phone and could I call her tomorrow, and having her then tell me in her normal irritated voice,"Well, you should have known I'd be calling at this time! I have things to tell you!"
Lol.
As if the fact that her daughther was so inconsiderate that she didnt factor in that her mother would be calling past 12 midnite was more annoying to her than the fact that she was out really late.
I tried to shock them, you know, to see their reactions. Sometimes I tell them that I've had a drink there, and I went to a casino, I dated this boy, I show them pictures of me with boys and with drinks, and annoyingly to me, they smile at me and don't ever look worried. Sometimes i wish they would react, in fact, lol, no reactions and just happiness Im safe and okay quells the would be rebel in me.
At the same time, I am also hardly what you'd call a conventional 'good' girl, though I suppose living away from my parents and about oh, 90% of the people who know them, has helped in that sense. I keep my standards of what i consider morality, and I keep my faith and Im staunch about my views.
I like my drink. I like my boys. I also like my dancing. And I have my wilder nights and weeks.
But while I really am hardly what one would call a bad girl, and it amuses me when I hear people gossip about me.
You wouldnt believe half the things people say.
Which is why I really don't listen to what people say anymore.
Oh, if only my life was as mad and interesting as the stories propagated, and at the same time, if only I really was as boring :D
Sometimes of course, I look at my life and I wonder if I've missed out. Have I missed out on whats supposed to be called the time of my life, by not over-indulging in today's world of sex, drugs and rock-and-roll? Have I missed out by sampling but not repeating, being intrigued but not addicted?
But I remember that my parents trust and respect me. And in a way, my 'boring' ways have helped keep me in line and got me this frickin degree, no real scandals, no positive pregnancy tests, no unwanted pregnancies, no drug addictions, no or hospital induced dramas along the way. So thats what that paper for me symbolizes.
Scars here and there, of course. But you know, whats being 21 with out some skeletons in your closet? Those with none,I kind of feel sorry for those with none.
You'v missed out, I tell you. You're only young once. And you'll learn. For what its worth, you'll learn.
I'm done with university (for the now) and have escaped more or less unscathed.
I hope I can say the same about the working world and I hope it and I are a good fit.
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