Beauty is knowing that if you listen closely enough -- you can hear the whole world breathing

The inside jokes weren't jokes anymore.
They had become stories.
Nobody brought up the bad names or the bad times and nobody felt sad
as long as we could postpone tomorrow with more nostalgia.
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

Long ago, I thought I wanted to write. It was in the very same breath, however, that told me there are parts of me that also wants to just be able to sit and analyze and pore over numbers, part of me that wants to take things apart and put them back together again, a part of me that wants to teach, a part of me that wants to dance and even another part of me that wants to go out and meet people and represent them to the world as an entirely repackaged thing altogether. You know, marketing. Im talking about career moves but I suppose you can take the above as you wish.

Is it so crazy to theorize that if I were to force myself into a single role, to decide that I would be just one thing and one thing only for the entirety of my existence, I would in effect be killing off large parts of whatever it is that makes me me? That I would in essence be in danger of closing off all possibilities of me becoming whatever else I could become?

So, screw all then whining and quasi emo behavior of late.

I, therefore, recognize that I will love now and only now.

I will do what I want to do at this moment.

I will plan for tomorrow but not live in the future.

I have decided.

I will stop basing my life on what I decided was best for me yesterday.

*~*

Its a well perpetuated myth that when you're young, you think nothing will ever hurt you.

You are invincible, with your whole life ahead of you, and big big plans lain forth.

You will find your perfect life completing soul mate.

So what if you are just 18? You really do have it all figured out.

Then you get older and the bubble bursts.

*POP*

It wont be until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made were simply plans.

Its at the end when you've reached the finished line, when you're looking back instead of forward..

Thats when you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you.

And of course you want to believe that you're leaving something good behind.

The bottom line is..

You want it all to have mattered.

And hopefully...

If you did just the right things...

Or even if you did all the wrong things..

Somehow or other..

It will.

~*~

My life is a spiral of sorts and its a hustle and bustle of activities, so much so that I had to put my foot down and have a self imposed curfew on myself for some 'ME' time.

Sometimes all you want to do is curl up with a drink (alcoholic or otherwise) and a good movie in bed.

..wow, I *am* getting old.