There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Then are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Be not too hasty to trust or admire the teachers of morality; they discourse like angels, but they live like men.

Dr. Samuel Johnson

I fretted yesterday because I fell asleep while you were on the phone telling me about your day.

I panicked a little because you didn't reply to my apologetic texts the next day.

I wanted to kill you when you called later and told me your phone battery died and I had wasted my time worrying about nothing at all and you were and are still there.

I love how youre always there and I hope you never ever stop being there.

You're a good part of my life and it really really is horrible how youre so far away.

Easter has come and gone, and work has been challenging but whee at some aspects! There may or may not be a new addition to the Tiama family, which is in itself exciting. What passes for my love life is sweet when it has to be and bitter at the distance and in disbelief at being requited. Every now and again, I get surprised by a much welcomed text, call, email, what have you and they make my day.

I enjoy my prayer life and my service to my local church though it of course has its time constraints since I am working full time too so I can't really give my all. I love being able to help the family but I keep getting told repeatedly that I need to draw a line on when my familial obligations start and my obligations to myself begin.

But anyone who loves their family will admit thats easier said than done and for now, I really cant be fucked distinguishing the line. sincere.

"HOW ARE YOU!?" asked the umpteenth stranger, and before I can reply, he or she has already swept by without even hearing my answer. They pause to ask, but don't pause long enough to know the reply.

"How are you?!" asked the friend, and before I can reply, he has started telling me exactly how he is doing instead. And when he's done venting or gloating, he forgets to wait for my answer. Which of course won't come.

"How are you!" she asked, and I tell her, but I don't think my words really sink in. I think my words are making as much an impact to her as the air between us and I could have been telling her the weather forecast for all the attention she then paid my remarks.

"How are you?" she asked, and when I tell her, she can't accept that I may not be doing fine. And she twists my words to fit her stance on how I really am, and then proceeds to tell me exactly how she feels I am really feeling.

"How are you?" he asked and he can't accept I'm doing well. He picks a flaw in my spill of good news and he finds the weakest point and attacks. He doesnt want to know how come I'm faring better than he is.

And then there are the people who don't need to ask how I am, and with just one look at me, can tell exactly how I am feeling. Words are superfluous.

Words, for once, are not needed.

Words, for once, are unimportant.

You don't need to pretend, you know? If you really wanted to know how I am, or how another is, you wouldnt ask in passing or ask for the sake of having something to say. Those who have already been told don't need to ask and those who have to ask to be told should consider there must be a reason they weren't told in the first place. If you never trusted me before, trust me on that.

There needs to be a new greeting invented, because "HOW ARE YOU" is quite tedious to my ears and lately I find myself brushing off anyone who asks.

So, if you suddenly ask me, and I brush you off, its not me being mean, its me saving us the awkwardness of you not really caring how I am. Let's skip that and get right on to whatever we were supposed to be doing.

We are all selfish creatures, myself included. Lets not be pretentious as well.

But incidentally?

I'm tired, of course. My skin is stressed, my hair is often or not in a lazy ponytail and sometimes I forget to iron a shirt. My groceries are still getting to their expiry date faster than I can decide to use them and I still can't cook or drive. I miss my family, of course. I miss you and you and you. My heart has aches from where you are all supposed to fit in my life, from where you are supposed to be.

But other than that...

Happily and for the now and for all that it matters...

I am all good, thank you very much.