Delicious ambiguity.
I admit it. My life plans and priorities are all askew.
Or rather, my plans are being postponed as my priorities have shifted.
Ten years ago, I wanted to be a missionary, a nun, or a famous author. I was eleven, I was religious. I was untouched by high school and university.
Five years ago, I entered uni, decided to study accounting and information systems, and a whole new life opened itself up for me. Commerce, hmm.
Effectively, five years ago, if you had told me that my parents would decide to forgo the materialistic means of the world, retire, leave Brunei and become full time missionaries, I would have asked you if you had gone quite barking mad.
If you told me my parents would invest their savings into the Malaysian Second Home programme, a programme where you are granted multiple entry visa and allowed to live and stay in Malaysia as long as you put money in, and retire instead of working to earn money and working on business, just to spread the word of God and become full time missionaries, I would have called the men in white suits for you.
Heck, I would have escorted you myself.
I didnt see my family going that route. We had so many different plans, you see, and none of them really involved, oh lets be brutally honest here, none of them involved starting up a Couples For Christ ministry at all.
We are Philippine passport holders, and this has created a lot of ruckus plans wise. Now, I've never lived in the Philippines, and I don't know how life is there, but people keep telling me to try not to go back there to work. Sad. Maybe I should stop listening to other people.
Anyway, back to the story.
We had plans discussed over the dinner table, of emigrating elsewhere, or of going back to the Philippines and drumming up the business there, or continuing to stay in Brunei. We were wrapped up in the worlds expectations of what a better life was supposed to be, and five years ago, I promise you, we were well on our way to becoming materialistic brats. Forms were filled in, plans were made.
I didnt think full time mission work was even in my parents vocabulary.
So, heres the plan, five years ago.
I entered university with the intention to finish off my double major in accounting and IS degree, work my ass off, get my Chartered Accountancy qualification or other equivalent, watch my pay rise go up, work my ass off even more, money money money.
I did not have God on my mind. I dont think my parents, who were religious in their own way, really had God in mind either. Our plans did not accomodate God.
And here we see where life plans are not set in pen but in pencil. Erased at any moment and a new one scratched in.
In one sweep, my parents were called, and being their child, I was caught in the currents of their new decision. They asked me of course, and I said, do what you want. At the time, I didnt really think I would be affected.
Woah.
But affect me, it has.
Like the quote said. Delicious ambiguity.
I don't always understand the decisions my parents have made. But I do know my dad hasnt been this happy in years.
And I suppose if nothing else, this change in our lives is worth it because of that. But wow, are my parents doing a great job.
My plans are all askew, and getting far in this world is something I havent really thought about ever since I started helping my parents in their mission work. You can remember how I wrote before about work work work career career work work. But thats not what Im about right now, and for better or worse this break is career wise, I think I'm better inside.
I've turned down further offers and I've persisted looking for work near by. Its hard though, being foreign in Brunei and Malaysia. But being near to my family, after years away, even for just a few months, is so worth it.
If it makes them so much happier than I have seen them in years, I really have to think if my old plans would fit in with this new life they have built, and its really a big fat resounding 'No'.
I figure I can afford to take some time out to see whats really important in life beyond the obvious. And before I really immerse myself in full time work, I have to understand this path they chose.
So, the only real question, I suppose is, what now?
Where do I go from here?
Totally using that for my next layout, the sunset and my back are purty.
For all my flaws, I've always had a practical head on my shoulders. I'll be fine, I believe, and if not, I'll be fine too. I'll figure it out, children. I always do. This life should get sorted, rollercoaster and all.
Oh, of course and I really want to start on that CPA qualification. No, I don't want to suddenly revert to the ten year ago plan. Haha. I have my plans, they remain thus. Whether theyll happen or not is something else altogether of course.
Difference is, I'm inviting God along for the ride properly now, because while I've always believed, to me thus far, He's really always been up there, never right beside me. And I guess what I'm saying is, I place my life and plans in His hands.
And for me, the headstrong me, to admit that,after all I've been through, and in spite of, not because of my parents day job, for me to admit that, in this day and age, is pretty darn miraculous.
I think the 11 year old me would approve.
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