I thought that by virtue of being me I was disqualified.

"Don't spend your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and in the end it's only with yourself." - Baz Luhrmann


Dear Everyone & Their Mother (who all seem to want to know what I'm doing and thus visit this blog for info and/or question the poor parents who have almost literally no control over the choices of this 21 year old),

Everyone and their mother seem to think they know whats best for me, and what I should have done, and what I should do, and what I should be doing, and what I should not have done. And they tell my parents. And my parents are confused and cute and have to justify the choices of their daughther when in reality they have no control as she makes her plans.

While its hard for others to grasp, when I was younger, i wanted a simple life. But circumstances change. Then they changed again. And they will freakin KEEP CHANGING, because I am young and I can do whatever I want, with no need for soul searching from Everyone And Their Mother.

Not to sound completely up myself, but let me explain that I am a very marketable job seeker. I have found it easy to secure interviews and job offers, and mostly, it is myself who holds back. I have been offered jobs in Perth, in Singapore, in Brunei, in Malaysia, but I chose other things for personal reasons Everyone And Their Mother need not know and neither do I need to justify.

Money, emigration, stable job, depleted moral values?

Less money, emigration of sorts,stable job, moral values intact?

Most people, when I asked, chose the job that depleted moral values but inflated their bank accounts, their materialism, keeping up with the Jones's and so on and so forth and only after my careful explanation of my stance agreed begrudgingly that my choice was the better one.

I am being too picky, some say, it is just the first full time job, others say, you'll switch jobs like candy, others say. While I say, though the first job, and while money may be a huge factor, I want one that will add on to the value of what I already possess.

Its hard accepting a fulltime job, knowing there is a better one. Papers have to be processed, for one. And contracts have to be signed for another. I am truly lucky I have enough savings to live off on, and not burden the parents, as I make a final choice and a part time auditing job fo experience that challenges me everyday.

When I said I was marketable, I suppose I meant I have a good degree, thanks to my parents who strove hard to get me to finish. I have excellent extracurricular activities, part time working experiences, good references, and excellent interview skills.

But why do what others expect of me have to fit in the picture of what I want my world to become? Its hard enough knowing what you want, and then having to adjust it, of sorts, to fit in the picture of what others feel you should be living. Its hard making a move knowing that people will criticise and judge and question and wont even listen to justifications, and more easily accept that I obviously 'wasnt good enough'.

Well, your superficial definitions of what is deemed 'good enough' do not fall into what my definitions are. I will not compromise my moral values for a job, end of story.

It is the survival of the fittest in this world, and it doesnt matter what your definition of fittest is, be it, the fittest in cooking, the fittest in hair maintenance and beauty upkeep, the fittest in heart breaking, the fittest in dare I say, religious beliefs,fittest in idealism and so on and so forth. You get the picture I'm trying to paint here, and its not a pretty one.

Its not so bad, really. Without this strive to be the fittest, a lot of things wouldnt have been invented, and so on and so forth, but seriously, the tiredness at the end of the day leaves something to be desired,and God, do we really really need to have it shoved down our throats everyday that we have to achieve?

What if all I aspire for and all distance I really want is a pretty lil house near Boracay or Cebu or Kota Kinabalu for that matter?

Do I really have to keep being compared to my counterparts? Do I really have to be told how one peer isnt doing so well in comparison to me, and how another is doing so much better?

Are those really supposed to spur me on!? Are the news that one of my peers has failed or another has succeeded spur me to move on in my life? Hell no, and Everyone And Their Mother need to STOP comparing us.

I'm trying to think about what I aspire for in life, and while I used to know, I now quetsion whether i should ruthlessly aspire to achieve the big bucks or just do something I like more.

Im just so fed up with it all sometimes....and the world sucks when it sets a standard thats so media glossy driven and it sucks even more than most of us fall victim to it.

But Im not going to be one of the victims, and I dont care what I hear from Everyone And Their Mother, with them being a broad category wrapping my parents friends, friends, peers, church mates,associates, high school mates, old friends and and so on and so forth.

I will live my life, and if you need to know why I'm doing what I'm doing, you can very well ask me, Everyone And Their Mother. You do not need to be sneaky and visit my blogs for information and report to everyone you can bitch about me to because God knows I have a ton of blogs and sites I randomly update. You do not need to ask my parents/brothers/sisterinlaw/familymember/cat, or ask a friends daughters friends son about me when you do NOT TALK TO ME ANY FORM WHEN YOU SEE ME/ HAVE NO CONTACT WITH ME WHATSOEVER/ ARE ASKING BECAUSE YOU NEED TO JUSTIFY YOUR OWN EXISTENCE BY COMPARING IT WITH MY OWN (oh, if we are in contact and are friends and I hear you asked about me, of course I'll be thrilled, heehee, but NOT if we're not friends because WTF, nosy!?), because I will hear about it one day and I will be annoyed and if I see you in person, I may very well do something I'll regret.

Like remind you of your flaws and your skeletons in your closet. Because I know more than I let on, but unlike others, I dont air people's dirty laundry.

Like tell people the truth. Because I know your truths. And now when people ask me about YOU, Everyone And Their Mother, I keep mum. Its not my place.

Like TRIP YOU!

..yeah. Thatlast one was just childish.

But you get the point.

SO STOP IT. GO MAKE YOUR OWN HAPPY AND STOP FEEDING YOUR SOUL WITH MINE.

AND LET ME DREAM OF TINY HOUSES IN MY HEAD, WHILE I WORK ON GETTING THAT BIG ONE IN REALITY.