every moment before this one depends on this one

"I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can't tell fast enough, the ears that aren't big enough, the eyes that can't take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone."

-Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close








Thats my baby James. But these are old pictures. He's 7 months old now and much bigger and wow he's going to be so tall! I cant wait till I can bribe er coax him with ice cream and toys!!

~*

Like a glutton for punishment, I turned around and despite the alarm bells, the fear, the OHNOYOUSHOULDNT, I stepped purposefully back toward the very person I had heartbreakingly said goodbye to not long ago. It was like a trap we both knew we had to avoid and yet, here we go. Again.

I hope this is my last again with you because I dont think my heart can take it anymore.javascript:void(0)

~*~

I think Madonna was amazing to do this on her site:


He was the King of Pop and she is clearly the queen.

Despite the controversy he has been awash in his entire life, I just know his music has been so influential (In The Closet, Black and White, Scream, Remember The Time...hot hot hot videos!) and there will never be another MJ. I was rooting for his comeback esp the 50 concerts dates and now Im devastated he will never be able to rise above the sh*t people were giving him.

In a world awash with forgettable music and 15 minute fame seekers, he is a legend.

No, ladies and gentlemen, I retract my statement.

He was NOT the King of Pop. He was the entire freaking kingdom and with him gone we have a music landscape filled with forgettables and 15 min fame seekers.

This made me sad:


Alright he has a mixed legacy, particularly with what happened in his latter years. But Macaulay Culkin went on trial to DEFEND him and said NOTHING happened..But I just cant believe someone who moulded my childhood is now gone. Everyone seemed to forget he's just human and expected him to churn out hit after hit, after controvery after controversy time and time again. He's just human and his death showed his vulnerability and fragile being.

But Im happy he's in a better place now. He was living a life filled with injustice and I guess now he can finally rest in peace.

~*

Im getting older. I cant handle all night drinking sessions anymore and I cant function without sleep! I hate it. I was so blur at work the next day haha! I used to mock my then 20 year old friends when I was in uni but now, I totally know what they feel. I feel OLD and my back hurts and I feel creaky in the knees and wah!

This sucks.

But Id do it all again any day.

But maybe with a weeks rest in between?!

~*

I am trying to be healthy and I bought a 25 pack of green tea early June to drink at work so I wont be tempted by coffee or easy to order ABCs or a drink at Coffeebean.

June is coming to an end.

I have 13 packets left. WHAT!?

~*

I watched Angels and Daemons. Now, Ive read the book ages ago and I knew exactly what to expect.

Or so I thought.

Seeing it live on screen was a whole different matter and I swear my heart hurt plenty of times throughout the film. I was saddened.

But Im glad they said about the Catholic Faith,"My mind tells me I'll never understand faith. An my heart tells me Im not meant to."

If nothing else, it was nicely put.

~*

Julys just around the corner and its been such a good year thus far! I hope the rest of 2009 is just as good or even better!

Sometimes there are things that silence can say that no other words could do justice

"Some things should just be done for the fun of it.

Not because they're inexpensive, practical, organic, logical, fashionable, modest, brilliant, green, expected, proper, spiritual, thinning, fattening, prudent, or allergen-smoke-chemical free."

- Mike Dooley, "Notes from The Universe"-

I have watched within a week, Star Trek (omg ZACH Q!) , Push (meh, Dakota Fanning outacted everyone in this film and she wasnt even the main character!) and Wolverine. Star Trek was the best of all three. Everyone should decide not to resist the charms of Spock. It is a wise decision.

Smarties Nestle ice cream is great blended with hersheys chocolate and marshmallows.

The Sheratons teppanyaki ice cream is soooo gooood.

I learned how to burn lasagne sauce last weekend. Haha!

Work deadlines are easy to meet if I dont surf while working! Who would have thought!? :P

I learned on the DISC graph, I am an I, with a D tendency.

Sushi is yummy. I heart Excapade, even if Kaizen is better.

I like buying new underwear. It makes me feel pretty.

I am secretly flattered that this girl calls me future sis in law even though her brother and I have never met. She wants us to be together. But no matter how you slice or dice it, the sister approval is so hard to get. I dont think anything will happen when I meet er her brother eventually but its sweet nonetheless.

Its been four months today. *sigh*

I learned that changing your shampoo goes a long way and using hair vitamins is a smart move.

I learned that I need to stop procrastinating.

I learned Im still amazing at card games. Fun times.



The above broke my fangirl heart. :(

I watch too much tv. The internet is your friend.


Ladies and gentlemen, this is a completely pointless update.

Beauty is knowing that if you listen closely enough -- you can hear the whole world breathing

The inside jokes weren't jokes anymore.
They had become stories.
Nobody brought up the bad names or the bad times and nobody felt sad
as long as we could postpone tomorrow with more nostalgia.
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

Long ago, I thought I wanted to write. It was in the very same breath, however, that told me there are parts of me that also wants to just be able to sit and analyze and pore over numbers, part of me that wants to take things apart and put them back together again, a part of me that wants to teach, a part of me that wants to dance and even another part of me that wants to go out and meet people and represent them to the world as an entirely repackaged thing altogether. You know, marketing. Im talking about career moves but I suppose you can take the above as you wish.

Is it so crazy to theorize that if I were to force myself into a single role, to decide that I would be just one thing and one thing only for the entirety of my existence, I would in effect be killing off large parts of whatever it is that makes me me? That I would in essence be in danger of closing off all possibilities of me becoming whatever else I could become?

So, screw all then whining and quasi emo behavior of late.

I, therefore, recognize that I will love now and only now.

I will do what I want to do at this moment.

I will plan for tomorrow but not live in the future.

I have decided.

I will stop basing my life on what I decided was best for me yesterday.

*~*

Its a well perpetuated myth that when you're young, you think nothing will ever hurt you.

You are invincible, with your whole life ahead of you, and big big plans lain forth.

You will find your perfect life completing soul mate.

So what if you are just 18? You really do have it all figured out.

Then you get older and the bubble bursts.

*POP*

It wont be until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made were simply plans.

Its at the end when you've reached the finished line, when you're looking back instead of forward..

Thats when you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you.

And of course you want to believe that you're leaving something good behind.

The bottom line is..

You want it all to have mattered.

And hopefully...

If you did just the right things...

Or even if you did all the wrong things..

Somehow or other..

It will.

~*~

My life is a spiral of sorts and its a hustle and bustle of activities, so much so that I had to put my foot down and have a self imposed curfew on myself for some 'ME' time.

Sometimes all you want to do is curl up with a drink (alcoholic or otherwise) and a good movie in bed.

..wow, I *am* getting old.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end

When the Nazis came for the communists,

I remained silent;

I was not a communist.



When they locked up the social democrats,

I remained silent;

I was not a social democrat.



When they came for the trade unionists,

I did not speak out;

I was not a trade unionist.



When they came for the Jews,

I remained silent;

I was not a Jew.



When they came for me,

there was no one left to speak out.



--Martin Niemöller

I ran into my very first best friend 11 years ago last night. Wow, cue the surprise. It was weird speaking to him again as its been as if he and I have the same roots and yet we are such different people from how we were 11 years ago (of course). And yet we're still very much the same.

He has grown in his confidence though, and his aura is that of a man now. He is no longer the child I traded Archie comics with and read stories with and played imaginary games with. We reminisced about how much we have grown apart and yet we did not lie and claim we missed each other.

We drifted obviously over the years and we meandered through the crazy teenage angst and adolescence without each other, even the college years passed by without much of a connection. No, a lie. We met. WIthout much fanfare, 4 years ago. It was so painfully awkward that I couldnt believe he was my best friend when I was a child who punched a bully for me and made his nose bleed. It was hard to connect the child he was with the strange 16 year old I met. He seemed so cold.

He was completely changed and I left the meeting with a heartache and wanted to cry.

But a few years on, he seems to have turned out alright. Much better, in fact. An intelligent sensitive kind of guy, fun and interesting.

I am conceited.

And I like to think I had a part to play 11 years ago.