its a wild world/ It's hard to get by just upon a smile

Now that I've lost everything to you
You say you wanna start something new
And it's breakin' my heart you're leavin'
Baby, I'm grievin'
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
and I'll always remember you like a child, girl

You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do
And it's breakin' my heart in two
Because I never wanna see you sad, girl
Don't be a bad girl
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware

Baby, I love you
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware

Cat Stevens 'Wild World'

I know you're surprised.

But I did actually mean it when I said bye.

we'll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne..

I fill my days with song and dance
For its in the silences that I ache
I'd like to believe my hard times are past
But these days are all about my bleeding

And I don't mean bleed in the traditional sense
For blood is not the only thing you can spill
You can spill love, actions, bones and words
At the end of the days, its all the same pain

I've been through my fair share of hurt
I bleed my experiences and hope you learn
I fix, I mend, I reach out and I bend
Honey, its pain thats not through with you

I am alone even in a crowd
I bleed my heart and beg them to take it
Better to be alone together
Rather than being alone, alone.

My defense mechanism is my loudness
I bleed my life and share for you to laugh at me
You'd think I was happy if I was laughing
And you laugh and forget you thought I was pained

My family has such expectations
I bleed from the obligations
I'm old enough to bear the burdens
And I'm young enough to run but dont

I fill my days with work and busy
I bleed fatigue from the schedule
I reach for you, would you let me in?
I struggle to fill the hours in between

I don't know why I always end up like this
I bleed tears but they don't bring relief
They drop and I'm still standing
Is this all there is?

This life is harsh and I should know by now
I'll bleed blood far sooner than later
I'm tall and strong, young and healthy
I should be built to take this

I know God has a plan and I believe...
What I'd like to believe too is
That my hard times are past/ But really.
These days are all about my bleeding

- me on one of my bad days.

Its just been one of those days.

"In this world you will have troubles. But take heart! I have overcome the world." --Jesus, John 16:33

"Theres something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is doing. They hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free-form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz."

Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller

It would be wonderful if somehow I was struck with a sudden inspiration to write something thought provoking, beautiful and almost lyrical tonight, particularly since this is my first post of 2009. Alas, nothing comes to mind except random pictures, images and moments and I can only dwell on the fact that 2008 may not have been the very best year for me, but I sure grew up more this way than when I was in university and everything was fine and dandy and easy.

But Im not feeling particularly eloquent . So very random pictures will have to do for today. Basically whatever I actually have downloaded off facebook in the past month and a half.


The above picture captures most of not all the brothers and sisters who have blessed my life with their prescences of late. They can put up with my most obnoxious of manners and they are supportive, so much it hurts, and I know if I ever need anything, they will be there with open arms and hearts. Oh. And the party was fun too ;)

Ah, my Australian Dad and 'house sisters'. Fond fond fond!!!Ah, that high school reunion. Could it have been so long ago when everyone in this picture was an awkward adolescent? Time flies, issues drop, people grow and friendships remain.


Ah, my Jolene.

My two oldest friends, Kathleen and Emily. The doctor and MBA holder. Makes my degree feel so damn insignificant, doesnt it? But theyre amazing. Chiew Yi!!! MBA holder to be!!! My old friends are all so accomplished. See, people, studying really does sort you out and being a nerd in high school?


It pays off. Stay in school. :D
Thats during Chinky's birthday. It was a blast and a half and Ill always have fond memories of that and of them.

Thats me in a (stolen) angels costume and halo for the Nativity play this year. I was not an angel ( how unbelievable would I be in that role?) but the narrator, but I didn't want to miss getting that winning halo shot, ya know.

This is a stolen shot with Jen and Aubrey. Rarely though we meet, theyre quite rocks to me, and I would have been lost my first few months in Brunei without them. They are such lovely people, we have our flaws but at the end of the day, I am truly blessed to have crossed paths with them.



But nothing much more comes to mind.

My achievements in 2008 are nothing compared to Baby James. Im not the best aunt. But Im working on it.

2009 is gonna be a buzz year. I feel it in the air. I would like to finally get closer to God, work on my family and fix myself up.

This is the year I turn 23 and I really really need to work on being that woman the 13 year old me always wanted to be.

Its just...I just have so many concerns right now. And Im weak. And I feel I could break down at any moment from the absolute weight of my concerns and worries (Im just not made to shoulder burdens very well yet and Im so so sorry) and my God, my faith and service is probably the one constant thing keeping me together.

"Though I hear nothing, He is speaking. Though I see nothing, He is acting. With God there are no accidents. Every incident is intended to bring us closer to Him"

A Gentle Thunder by Max Lucado

i think life isn't waiting for a storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain

Now I walk where the street swallows light like it's water
I see the slant of your smirk on every kid at the corner
But if you called, I'd never know what to say
So I just hope you never will
Things are easier that way
-from "country sky glow"

Above is my new favourite person in the whole wide world. James Romhenwei Abalajon Tiama, my first and only nephew, the first child of my older brother and sister in law, and my parents first grand child, the only person allowed to call me "Tita" or "Aunty'" (whenever he learns to speak of course :P).

I couldnt be prouder. He's such a beautiful well behaved baby. He was born 4.28 pm, November 25, 2008, just shy of my dad's 57th birthday on November 26th. What a birthday present!

This baby is going to be soo spoiled. <3

And yes, I do so plan on corrupting him in a few years. *evil* Im gonna be that aunt who gives him chocolate specifically when his mother tells him he cant have any :P

Secretly, of course.

I cant wait to watch him grow up!