and if i could change the world

The reality is that you can never be sure about anything, you just have to take things as they come.- Natasha Chow

I need a holiday from my holiday.

Normally I am very much an adrenaline filled little robot, with mucho energy and plans. My Miri and Perth days were always packed with little events and adventures, I hated being home and I only slept when I absolutely needed to (as in, 4 hours max a day tops, collapse on weekends :D).

I loved getting myself lost or in new situations and asking for directions and meeting new people, and I totally mastered MRT and LRT and busses in Singapore in my quick stay. It just showed me how much I love being on the go.

It totally shook me up, seeing how lazy I had become in my one month stay at home in Kota Kinabalu! Just two totally extreme ways of life, and I must admit I crave being on the go, and now that Ive had a taste of it again, I want it again.

But about my holiday!

It was much fun, catching with old friends. The more they change, the more they stay the same. Singapore would be a great place to secure a job, so send prayers my way, kids. I didnt realise how many friends and long lost friends and acquaintances I have over in Singapore, so even if its a change, itd be an easyish transition. God Willing.

I am such a, I dunnow what they call it, n00b? I was so impressed by the UV light stamps they used for entry into clubs and whatnot! And the food! And the shopping! My feet HURT as I tried to be fashionable and trooped about in heels. And now my feet STILL HURT from what I subjected them to!

Hee, at this mall called Vivo City they had like massage chairs and feet and back massager trials so I tried them all. I am such a free massage addict.

Ooh, flight calling. Must check in now.

No, this is how it works/ You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like/ And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again
-Regina Spektor

Today, my wonderful mother turned 56. =) Happy birthday, mommy.

I'm one of those people who are NEVER sick. So when I am sick, it pretty much takes over my entire systems and renders me to what a baby would call a baby. But my mom is nursing me back to health. Or what passes for health in my case, anyway.

Le sigh.

It really pains me to be sick two days before going to Singapore for a quick holiday.

But I am excited because I have made mucho plans! To see people like Raphael, Candida and Siti and Boon again. Yay. How fun.

..if only I could get this dratted fever to go away.

If you dont hear from me for a few days, I didnt die, lol, I probably was just off h0lidaying, but Ill be back to regale you with my exciting life adventures soon enough. As you can tell, of course I'm joking.

she always has not enough time

Lori Dixon writes on it better than I ever could, so I've c/p what she thinks about it here:

So, I've been avoiding talking about Virginia Tech, because it's pretty awful(clearly, an understatement). But after seeing the hundredth or so anchorperson ask "do you get the feeling that anyone's angry", I almost had to post, if only to comment on how obtuse the media portrayal of it has been.

First, give everyone a day or two to deal with the shock of it. Second, quit trying to coerce students into blaming the school, themselves, police, etc. Shit happens, and sometimes it can't be prevented. No one can control the actions of crazy people with easy access to guns (except possibly make it harder for them to get the guns, but that is another argument for another time).

Really, really bad shit happens. If any generation has learned that, I'd say ours has.

I mean, think about it. Columbine happened when I was in 10th grade. Tenth grade. And after that, schools weren't quite the same. Copycats and bomb threats happened in lots of places, and there has been school shooting after school shooting. Combine that with the events of 9/11, and you have another set of hugely tragic events that yet again, we had no control over. There was anger, obviously, which catapulted us into a gruesome, unrelated war that we again, have no control over. And then Hurricane Katrina--again, no control over Mother Nature. Again, anger, but a year and half later, what has that anger accomplished? One less incompetant person heading FEMA, sure, but people are still living in FEMA trailers and still struggling to get their lives back together.

So can you really expect people to be angry, when nothing seems to come of it? Finding blame hasn't solved anything for our generation; in fact, it's only hurt us. I'm just thankful that for once, the people directly affected by a tragedy *aren't* looking to point fingers. They're trying to focus on healing, and all the media wants to do is turn these hurt people into blame puppets so they can draw out the air time. And I'm not saying there's something wrong with being angry.

Anger's fine, so long as it's directed in the right direction, and genuine. The news lately just seems to be jumping down people's throats and trying to create it. Anger has plenty of potential for motivating people, but equal potential for harm when it's misdirected. That's more the point I'm trying to make. After all, misdirected anger is at least partly what caused this shooting to begin with, it seems.

On a related, but slightly different note:Somewhere someone mentioned they were surprised more students weren't bawling/crying/obviously shaken up. I'm not surprised. At this point, tragedy is becoming almost commonplace. I'm not saying that's how it should be, but that's what it is. We're becoming more and more desensitized to these kind of horrific events, not because of TV shows and movies, but because they keep happening for real, and end up, after a week or two, followed in the news cycle by stories about Anna Nicole Smith or a dog that supposedly performed the Heimlich. A lot of people ignore them altogether, or stop, say "oh, that's sad" and then flip to a different TV channel.

It is surreal to watch the news about VA Tech and have it followed by a commerical for the newest iPod or food special at McDonald's. It's no wonder we can't get together and make something real happen towards saving Darfur or slowing AIDS in Africa, seeing as we barely stop our lives long enough to worry about the events in our own country (hell, we can't even get Sanjaya off American Idol).

And at the same time, it's almost the only way we can cope. "What next?" is all we seem to focus on unless we're in the middle of whatever tragedy is going on.

We are becoming a generation that seeks distraction from reality.

-Lori Dixon

On that note, Sanjaya's off American Idol.

And the V Tech tragedy doesnt get me as much as the departure of Calvin.

a beautiful somewhere

“We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.” – Tim McGraw

I have been reading the same blogs for the past few years, which are all linked on my links page. Theyre wonderful blogs, heartwarming, thought provoking, interesting, intruiguing reads. They never fail to make my day.

Aspirin masks! I love them! You all should try it!

And www.facebook.com. That is Facebook. Its the less trashy version of Friendster, in my humble opinion, and I love it. I am trying to coax/persuade/force all the important people in my life on it, so I can leave friendster eventually.

Funny Story 1
Yes, Im back on blogger. After my dramatic exit from my old blog to vox, Im back on blogger *hides from Kim* because I couldnt figure vox out and I wanted to link people and have a tag board. :P And also, meh, I didnt like the feel of vox. Or maybe it was my bewilderance at what could have driven me to choose pink as my background color.

Funny Story 2

One of my sweetest guy friends, for my graduation present sorta thing, planned a nice getaway tour of West Malaysia with me and some other friends in July. He was booking the tickets, right, and booked accomodations in hotels and what not.

And I was particularly excited about Penang in July, because one of my ex flat mates from Curtin Perth's Erica Underwood house, is from penang, and she offered free day trip tours and what not.

Sounds fun. Right, right?

Till said best guy friend called in a panic.

In his rush to get the tickets, he may have accidentally sorta..

Booked tickets to Phnom Penh.

Yes, where Angelina Jolie adopted her first child! Where Tome Raider 2 was filmed! Where um Angkor Wat is! Where I DIDNT PLAN TO GO!

Accomodations in Penang, for the same weekend as tickets to Phnom Penh.

Hilarious.

Funny Story 3

I had an interview today, for a job I applied for a week or so back, an an accounts position, obviously entry level, and working my way up and what not. Its my first interview since I got back, and I was nervous when I went for the interview, it was a nice place, nicer than I expected, a great office, great location, whatever, and then I met my interviewer, and we talked.

And I said,"Do you think I would have heard of your company elsewhere?"
And after I asked that, I swear I wish I could take my words back.
Because he smiled and said, "Well, we used to be known as Sugarbun.."

WAH!

Lol.

Who needs comedy, my life's its own little laugh trip sometimes :D

..Or I could just have a very very questionable sense of humor.

Otherwise, it went well, it was a good offer, but I have other jobs I want to look at. I have till April 30th to decide about this one, anyway. I am grateful for the opportunities.

I hope I make the right choice. As an accounting graduate with no cpa qualification as yet and barely nine months of work under my belt, I cant demand anything more than peanuts as pay. I have barely practical experience. But I'll get there. I plan to study CPA by next year, and when I get that qualification, Ill have so much more career growth ahead of me.

God Willing.

Who needs comedy, my life's its own little laugh trip sometimes :D

..Or I could just have a very very questionable sense of humor.

I like 7/11's slurpees. I am addicted.

to plunge boldly into the thick of life

I think that sometimes we love people so much that we become numb to it, because if we ever actually felt how much we really loved them, it would kill us.

-Riding in Cars with Boys

Im complacent right now.

Sometimes I wish I could be a selfish enough child and run away from the responsibilities and obligations of being part of a family. I want so much to be able to pull my weight now that I'm done, that sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat just thinking of the expectations and the pressures and the needs and the wants and..

*sighs*

On a side note, my tax money came into my account the other day. Yay for aus swiftness in regards to early tax assessments. I am loving this windfall. Im trying to get my former employer to help me file my superannuation claim, but methinks that will be a bigger hassle than the tax department.

I have had a pretty lazy month back living under the parents roof, and I really needed it to recuperate. Because hahaha, booooyy was I in over my head.

My skin's much better than the volcanic eruption that it was when I first arrived, and my mind is clearer and less stressed. Which ironically,Ive learned stress really does affects one's skin. Damn.

I still need to try that aspirin mask of Ing Hui's.

And you all who dont have facebook? You all need one. <3

and in that moment, I swear we were infinite

Someone once said; it's the good girls who keep diaries. the bad girls never have the time.me...i just wanna live a life i'm gonna remember. even if i don't write it down.
- Brooke Davis on One Tree Hill



When I look at that little piece of paper, I am often in disbelief that despite my 'kalokohan' and my tendency to procrastinate, I have a degree now. I told an old friend and he seemed surprised I finished, because he knew me during my more, lets just say, childish and immature, years.



I'm hardly what you'd call a conventional 'bad' girl, though like every one going through adolescence and the life of living away from the parents and living the university student's life, I suppose I have my moments where its questionable that I'm the daugther of two full time missionaries. *laughs*

But even before my parents committed themselves to this, I must admit I was a pretty boring teenager, with (most of :P) my scandalous dalliances gratefully kept on the downlow. Something always held me back, and at the end of the day, I was always factoring in what my parents would think if they knew.

Not that they ever would. My parents puzzle me sometimes. When they call me from overseas and I'm at a party or at a club or pub, I never hide the fact that I'm out. I used to. But then I realised even when I said I was out, they'd just say that was okay, they hoped I was having fun and that I should get home safe.


The wonder of it. Being 18 and telling my mother I was out at a club and thats why I couldnt hear her over the phone and could I call her tomorrow, and having her then tell me in her normal irritated voice,"Well, you should have known I'd be calling at this time! I have things to tell you!"

Lol.




As if the fact that her daughther was so inconsiderate that she didnt factor in that her mother would be calling past 12 midnite was more annoying to her than the fact that she was out really late.


I tried to shock them, you know, to see their reactions. Sometimes I tell them that I've had a drink there, and I went to a casino, I dated this boy, I show them pictures of me with boys and with drinks, and annoyingly to me, they smile at me and don't ever look worried. Sometimes i wish they would react, in fact, lol, no reactions and just happiness Im safe and okay quells the would be rebel in me.


At the same time, I am also hardly what you'd call a conventional 'good' girl, though I suppose living away from my parents and about oh, 90% of the people who know them, has helped in that sense. I keep my standards of what i consider morality, and I keep my faith and Im staunch about my views.

I like my drink. I like my boys. I also like my dancing. And I have my wilder nights and weeks.

But while I really am hardly what one would call a bad girl, and it amuses me when I hear people gossip about me.

You wouldnt believe half the things people say.

Which is why I really don't listen to what people say anymore.

Oh, if only my life was as mad and interesting as the stories propagated, and at the same time, if only I really was as boring :D

Sometimes of course, I look at my life and I wonder if I've missed out. Have I missed out on whats supposed to be called the time of my life, by not over-indulging in today's world of sex, drugs and rock-and-roll? Have I missed out by sampling but not repeating, being intrigued but not addicted?

But I remember that my parents trust and respect me. And in a way, my 'boring' ways have helped keep me in line and got me this frickin degree, no real scandals, no positive pregnancy tests, no unwanted pregnancies, no drug addictions, no or hospital induced dramas along the way. So thats what that paper for me symbolizes.

Scars here and there, of course. But you know, whats being 21 with out some skeletons in your closet? Those with none,I kind of feel sorry for those with none.

You'v missed out, I tell you. You're only young once. And you'll learn. For what its worth, you'll learn.

I'm done with university (for the now) and have escaped more or less unscathed.

I hope I can say the same about the working world and I hope it and I are a good fit.

to flutter like firelight

"Yes, it's hard love, but it's love all the same. Not the stuff of fantasy but more then just a game, and the only kind of miracle that's worthy of the name, for the love that heals our lives is mostly hard love."--Bob Franke

I've always been a reader, from the time I first used to devour my dad's Reader's Digests to the current love of chick literature and the occasional deep read. For that reason, it is easy for me to take a break from whats considered my life's reality at the moment, and I can escape or take a trip into some place else entirely, be it a socialite's trips around manhattan, a divorcee's scheme to get back at her ex husband, a young wizard finding his way, and a love story set in World War 2 Russia. I dont necessarily want to be any of those people, nor do I want to exchange lives or anything of that sort. I do, however, appreciate the escapism it gives me, if even just a few minutes in a day.

I think my choice of reading material has become um, forgive me, stupider over the years. From thick high brow books to fluffy chick lit. But don't diss the chick lit. Theyre such comfort.

I have also always considered myself a writer. But writing, after I graduated from high school, seems to be relegated to my blogs scattered around the net. I hardly even jot anything down in my journals anymore, and with that said, it shows in my handwriting. Hahaha.

How am I, btw?

I have been alright. Im honestly savouring being with the parents, for at least a bit. I've lived away from them for the past 4 years, since I was 17, and Im treasuring a few months living with them again until I start work. Tho if I had it my way, I wouldnt work for a while. grr. :P

But in any case, Ive moved journals again. Yes.

Because Vox is evil and doesnt let me link my friends nor let me have a tag board. :(

So,let the writing, shall we say, begin.