With every goodbye you learn.

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn.

~Veronica A. Shoffstall


Goodbye to old, hello to new
my heart pounds with thoughts of you.

I am uncertain, my life changes.

I wanted to go back to the Philippines.

Then Typhoon Ondoy happened.

Screws up every single plan.

Unless my plan wasnt right to begin with.

Que sera sera.

Have patience, God isnt finished yet.

Its like, you're hurting and the pain is such that you can't function normally. And you wonder if broken hearts and tainted souls can ever really be whole again. If you were a cynic and think, Ill just pause and wait till this passes, then I'll live again. But, this life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's more about learning to dance in the rain, and if you are very blessed, you already have your dance partners in the form of your loved ones and their laughter for your music.

So, to rip off a popular song, when it rains, lets kick off our worries and lets..just dance.

I'm trying so hard to be a better person, an this journey of self renewal is so tough. But Im going to keep at it because I just know the person I want to be does exist, she's not a fictional character, and somewhere on the other side of hard work and a lot of faith, and belief beyond the heartache and fear of life, I'll meet her one day.

Latest Youtube find:



Where have I been? She's fantastic.

Ever wondered what Mileys song The Climb would sound like with better singers?



The company trip to Singapore was fantastic and a half. Lots of team bonding, meeting of Singapore suppliers, tours, reunions with old friends and sheer fun. I also managed to track down the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit. Which Ill post up soon and it deserves its own post! Next post.

I went for a massage again today, conveniently enough its right about coffee bean. I worry about my back, it always hurts after about a month. It could be the atrocious posture I have though! This lady knows my body now though so its all good.

Watched Tsunami today. I cried. A lot. Its very good. Even if I forgot myself and made too much noise in the cinema...

I am aiming for a siesta filled raya holidays.

Too much of your twenties can be wasted on insecurity and worrying about what others think

And, after all, what is a lie? 'Tis but the truth in masquerade.
-- Lord Byron

Its been a turbulent past few weeks, and there's been a few shifts and re shifts of people I once considered my friends and those I considered my not so friends. Turns out, when I put people in clear cut boxes like that, I was wrong.

You'd think I would and should know about true friendship by now, but I still get surprised when my definition of it is in question. It would seem that even at 23, I can somehow manage to still get it all so wrong.

And yet, I'm glad I was wrong. I learned the hard way, and yet I learned. Its better learning than not learning at all. I have to re-learn you see, because I have moved so much, left so many people, had so many people leave me, that its hard realising when I am stationary for longer than 6 months at any given place, friend dynamics? They change.

I just need to wrap my head around the fact that friendships do evolve beyond the superficial and I am quite appreciative of the current crop of people I consider my friends right now. And I hope they consider me their friend too.

Because you guys truly are and no matter what, I will carry you in my heart always.

**


I had a girls night the other night and it was practically sinful what we ate! But we didnt care, we threw all care out the window and it was such a great night. I had not had a proper girl talk with these girls for a long time and it was really good relearning and learning what make them tick. They are such a strong and beautiful bunch of women and I am so proud to have them in my life. Together, we will make it on this crazy path of life, and even if not together, I hope we have already made an impact on each other that will stand the test of time and memories.

**

He told me he would never leave me.

My fear is that he has already left.

**


My parents just celebrate 32 years of marriage together. Thirty Two Years.


Latest pic I have, I pulled it of facebook! They met Bishop briefly during his last visit.

They dont make marriage like they used to! Now thats a love I wish to emulate.

..they are getting more facebook savvy, however, and my mom has said she wants to put up her 21 year old pic. Oh man oh man...technology these days!

**

I am getting older and things I used to enjoy no longer hold the same mystique or fascination. I get annoyed at people who constantly talk about getting drunk just because they have nothing better to do (dont get me wrong, Im cool with it once in a while but to do it constantly and NOT in moderation just screams of not being able to let your youth go doesnt it, or trying too hard?). I am annoyed at cliques. I am annoyed at loud music and loud sounds hurt my ears. I like quiet nights in. I need my sleep. I cant go without it anymore. I eat breakfast. I think this generation has a gaping lack of good music and movies and books. I wish they had what I had. I wear what I want and not what I think people think I should (if that makes sense).

I want to be more practical now. I want to make my future tangible. I want to commit to my obligations.

Its official. Its a proclamation I don't deny anymore.


I am getting old.

And there's something almost poetic about coming to terms with that.

we will all go our separate ways, but we carry a little bit of each other everywhere

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